Accuracy of Perception

It seems likely in present circumstance we’re having our characters assassinated by the community around us. Familiar pattern, a family pattern.

So we find ourselves dissecting conversations and behaviours to piece together what’s happening. Hurt of the past and fear of it repeating leads to fearful assessments the current situation. It seems important to me to gauge if the worst is true and estimate the outcome from this standpoint.

But interestingly this isn’t the point. It actually doesn’t matter if my narrative of who’s doing what to whom is in the slightest accurate. The opportunity being presented, and the gift in the situation is to feel what ever I’m naturally feeling by virtue of being immersed in the situation at hand. And that’s it. As always, just allowing myself to feel which ever way. Sadness, anger, dispare. Whether the feelings are coming from an accurate assessment of the situation simply isn’t relevant to the deeper journey at hand. This mornings insight is that feelings are being elicited by an intelligence which knows precisely how I’ll respond to current stimulus. Im deliberately positioned in a well orchestrated manner, my environment guiding me to feel exactly what i need to feel to bring me into alignment with my with my next phase of growth. 

I notice when Grace intervenes and I find myself allowing the feelings to reside with me (id love to say im well in command of this ability to feel and allow — but im not, and my hit rates frankly pretty low), there’s an acceptance of what is in my environment. Its a recognition that given this play of circumstance is indeed playing out in reality right now, it cannot but be deemed acceptable by life, otherwise it wouldn’t exist in this configuration. An outward flow of acceptance leads to my being ok just as I am with the recognition im not supposed to be feeling anything other than what I am… yeah same old story, but its really lovely each time it lands. Much to my relief this easing of my own internal attitude to what’s inevitable dissolves the crescendo of fear and instability within. To be clear — the central pain inside is still there, but its not overwhelming, rather a steady presence which I notice has a very distinct emotional value. Its a very precise feeling. To precise to be by mistake. 

It feels the outcome, the flavours and preferences of my desire asserting how things must be aren’t important… despite my outrageously clever and rigid attachment to them. Rather im aware such investment in controlling outcomes causes horrid disharmony and pain.